“Because she's 38 and you thought that she'd have her "own family" by now.”

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Of course I'm going to wrap them, because that's what you do on Christmas.

What you don't do is call your daughter on December 22nd

And tell her that you don't really feel that you're up to hosting Christmas this year

Because she's 38 and you thought that she'd have her "own family" by now.

And that instead, you're going to a couples-only retreat in Arizona,

The theme of which is "Sexy at 70".

Oh, no.

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